My lab partner is not bad for a shvartze. He speaks with black rhythm, but his accent is white. Plus he has nice glasses, which give him an intellectual appearance. Oh yeah, I forgot the main thing: he knows stuff and knows how to think. So, all in all, he's not bad for a nigger.
Anyhow, we had finished our lab experiment and were heading to elevators, when he met his friend. The friend was disgruntled. He was bored in class. Stupid teachers! Making him do experiments he had already done last semester. yeah it sucked. he had done it before, and now he needed to do it again. "Why didn't you pass last semester?" my affable nigger friend asked his glum nigger friend.
"I dunno," the surly young man pouted. "All my friends were getting B's, B+'s. I even tried contacting the teacher, got his phone number, and his e-mail address even. but he said there was nothing he could do. i got like a forty on the final. and all i wanted was a C."
"And all he wanted was a C," I repeated to myself comiseratingly. Darn those smarty pants geeks, with their high-falutin' demands for A's and B's. Here he is, a simple man, asking only for a C, and even that the teacher can't give him. Harumph.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Do not read this post. It is nonsensical.
If he would take the movies off the name of the earth the face of the master and man of the world below because that's just the way it is and we have never done anything different but who knows? Perhaps tomorrow will be different. Perhaps the sun will shine brighter, and the birds will chirp louder. Perhaps the mother of all life will shine like a dove over the lights of Zion, and the people will cheer, and the children will laugh. Perhaps the light of the darkness will spill into the canister of the old shovel pushing the mannequin into the sea and covering with the depths the meaning of yore and killing all who stand in her path of hell and destruction, because I am him and he is me, and there is no separation above nor below from the prop tower to the basin to the steppe to the tones. From the water to the valley; from soup to nuts, and the rockets fly over the little girls, and they all take themselves over the brook, dipping their little toes over the rocks with the moss and the anteaters slurping, with his agile finger running over the keys, in an avuncular sort of fashion with sour faces and light sprinkles.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
ATTTENTION BTS AND NON-GEZHES: Fry out and increase your odds of getting married
I haven't posted in I don't know how long. I'm sure that nobody is going to read this anyways. So this is purely for my own entertainment. A deranged man speaking to himself. Writing sentence fragments. Committing the unforgivable sin of blogging about blogging. The horrific circularity about it. I'm now bloggging about blogging about blogging. This can keep on going forever. STOP!!!!
Well, now back to our regularly scheduled programming. I have a simple solution for the victims of the shidduch crisis, those steadily aging spinsters of the frum world. They should just fry out. This will increase their marketability, as I shall proceed to demonstrate.
One of the causes of the shidduch crisis is that more boys are frying out than girls, leaving fewer good boys to marry the many good girls. When a girl decides to marry a fry guy, she stops shopping in a market which is experiencing a shortage and moves into a market experiencing a huge surplus.
And the fry-guys market's surplus is way greater than the good-guys market's shortage. Allow me to illustrate: suppose 2% of guys fry out and 1% of girls fry out. Thus, if the pre-frying shidduch pool contains 1,000 specimens of each gender, the post-frying shidduch pool contains 980 guys and 990 girls. Thus, one out a hundred girls stays single.
But what happens on the other side? The fry-guys-and-gals shidduch market contains 20 fry guys and 10 fry gals. So half the guys go galless. When a girl stops looking in the frum market and starts looking in the fry market, she goes from having a 1% chance of staying single to having a 200% chance of getting hitched. I must be fudging the math somewhere, because you can't have a 200% chance of anything happening. Whatever. I don't know. The point is that she stops being a moderately undesirable commodity and becomes a hotly desired commodity.
What I've said until now is rather elementary. Anybody can understand this point with a little bit of observation. Now comes my real chiddush. (OK I apologize for sounding Yeshivish. Listen, I wasn't planning on having you read this anyways. Do I need to apologize to my non-existent readership?)
My chiddush is relevant to the BT girl considering returning to her old wayward path (pardon that frumkeit-induced statement of value). Girls compete with each other in the frum-shidduch market. And the BT girl has a disadvantage. Her father never urinated in Nevel, and a spinster she shall remain. When the BT girls fries out, she not only vastly improves her odds (as any girl who leaves the fold does) but she now has an edge over her FFB peers. Moreover, her edge over the FFBs is precisely the edge which they had had over her.
In the frum world, the FFB says to the BT, "You just came into this society. You don't really fit. Until you die, you will mispronounce 'Rebbe' and forget whether there's a mussaf on Chanukah. You will never have childhood memories of getting lekach from the Rebbe. You were never taught parshah by Morah Beracha. I fit in and you don't. And you won't."
In the fry world, says the BT-turned-fry-girl to the FFB-turned-fry-girl, "You just came into this society. You don't really fit. You will always say 'by' instead of 'at' and 'learn' instead of 'study.' Until the day you die, you won't know [I don't know what the FFB won't know, because I myself don't know it. Y'all get the point]." You never made paper-plate pre-Thanksgiving turkeys in kindergarden. I fit in and you don't. And you won't"
In the frum world the FFB gets the good guy and the BT gets the loser. In the fry world, if the wayward BT wants former-frummies, she's zapped up before the wayward FFB.
There's only one issue: BTs are flakey. Pardon my over generalizing. If you're a BT, and you're reading it, I'm sure you're a non-flake. X% of BTs aren't flakes, and you and everyone you know and everyone you are related to are among that percentage. But overall, BTs are flakes. If you then fry out, does that indicate an additional lever of flakiness? I suppose one who frums in and fries out belies an inability to make important life decisions right the first time. I mean, what does that mean? "I thought I'd discovered truth, but then I realized it was false"? You should have realized. If you jumped at this crap once, who knows what other crap you'll jump at? I never actually met a BT who fried out.
Y'know what. Let me modify my chiddush. (Sorry for the yeshivish. But the word is a useful word in this situation.) Let's not compare BTs and FFBs. Let's compare gezhes who fry out and and non-gezhes who fry out. The edge which I claimed earlier puts the BT ahead of the FFB actually puts the non-gezhe ahead of the gezhe. Plus, the non-gezhe who fries out does not have the presumed flakiness of the BT. Yay! Hook me up with a fry non-gezhe, and let's get married!
Well, now back to our regularly scheduled programming. I have a simple solution for the victims of the shidduch crisis, those steadily aging spinsters of the frum world. They should just fry out. This will increase their marketability, as I shall proceed to demonstrate.
One of the causes of the shidduch crisis is that more boys are frying out than girls, leaving fewer good boys to marry the many good girls. When a girl decides to marry a fry guy, she stops shopping in a market which is experiencing a shortage and moves into a market experiencing a huge surplus.
And the fry-guys market's surplus is way greater than the good-guys market's shortage. Allow me to illustrate: suppose 2% of guys fry out and 1% of girls fry out. Thus, if the pre-frying shidduch pool contains 1,000 specimens of each gender, the post-frying shidduch pool contains 980 guys and 990 girls. Thus, one out a hundred girls stays single.
But what happens on the other side? The fry-guys-and-gals shidduch market contains 20 fry guys and 10 fry gals. So half the guys go galless. When a girl stops looking in the frum market and starts looking in the fry market, she goes from having a 1% chance of staying single to having a 200% chance of getting hitched. I must be fudging the math somewhere, because you can't have a 200% chance of anything happening. Whatever. I don't know. The point is that she stops being a moderately undesirable commodity and becomes a hotly desired commodity.
What I've said until now is rather elementary. Anybody can understand this point with a little bit of observation. Now comes my real chiddush. (OK I apologize for sounding Yeshivish. Listen, I wasn't planning on having you read this anyways. Do I need to apologize to my non-existent readership?)
My chiddush is relevant to the BT girl considering returning to her old wayward path (pardon that frumkeit-induced statement of value). Girls compete with each other in the frum-shidduch market. And the BT girl has a disadvantage. Her father never urinated in Nevel, and a spinster she shall remain. When the BT girls fries out, she not only vastly improves her odds (as any girl who leaves the fold does) but she now has an edge over her FFB peers. Moreover, her edge over the FFBs is precisely the edge which they had had over her.
In the frum world, the FFB says to the BT, "You just came into this society. You don't really fit. Until you die, you will mispronounce 'Rebbe' and forget whether there's a mussaf on Chanukah. You will never have childhood memories of getting lekach from the Rebbe. You were never taught parshah by Morah Beracha. I fit in and you don't. And you won't."
In the fry world, says the BT-turned-fry-girl to the FFB-turned-fry-girl, "You just came into this society. You don't really fit. You will always say 'by' instead of 'at' and 'learn' instead of 'study.' Until the day you die, you won't know [I don't know what the FFB won't know, because I myself don't know it. Y'all get the point]." You never made paper-plate pre-Thanksgiving turkeys in kindergarden. I fit in and you don't. And you won't"
In the frum world the FFB gets the good guy and the BT gets the loser. In the fry world, if the wayward BT wants former-frummies, she's zapped up before the wayward FFB.
There's only one issue: BTs are flakey. Pardon my over generalizing. If you're a BT, and you're reading it, I'm sure you're a non-flake. X% of BTs aren't flakes, and you and everyone you know and everyone you are related to are among that percentage. But overall, BTs are flakes. If you then fry out, does that indicate an additional lever of flakiness? I suppose one who frums in and fries out belies an inability to make important life decisions right the first time. I mean, what does that mean? "I thought I'd discovered truth, but then I realized it was false"? You should have realized. If you jumped at this crap once, who knows what other crap you'll jump at? I never actually met a BT who fried out.
Y'know what. Let me modify my chiddush. (Sorry for the yeshivish. But the word is a useful word in this situation.) Let's not compare BTs and FFBs. Let's compare gezhes who fry out and and non-gezhes who fry out. The edge which I claimed earlier puts the BT ahead of the FFB actually puts the non-gezhe ahead of the gezhe. Plus, the non-gezhe who fries out does not have the presumed flakiness of the BT. Yay! Hook me up with a fry non-gezhe, and let's get married!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)